Sweaty Palms
A part of me believes that sweaty palms are the work of the devil.
The sweat was mixing with the ink, diluting the phone number from right off my palm. I frantically searched for a pen, which should be a lot easier to do when you just finished an exam. When I found one, I transferred the number to my Aki-Ola Core Math book.
I really couldn’t tell if the last number was a seven or a four, but not to worry, I went home and called both numbers that night.
The first number turned out to belong to some old lady: let’s forget that ever happened. The point is, I called Akua.
How did the conversation go? How long did we talk for? Seriously, that’s not the focus of this story. But I did better this time.
The Return
Returning to school after a mid-term break is hard. It’s not as hard as returning after a full vacation break, but it’s hard nonetheless. Just as you begin to feel like this dream of living a life not governed by a bell has come to stay… Boom! It’s Monday and you’re ironing your uniform to come back to school.
But at least, you get to come back with home chow and more provisions to add weight to your very light chop box.
That evening, the dining hall was alive with chatter. It was always like that after every mid-term break. It turned out the school administration had allowed the
On table C19 everyone had fresh haircuts. That’s usually a good thing, but not always.
You see, not all heads are understood by all barbers. There is a fundamental need for a man to remain loyal to his barber. Listen, and learn wisdom: Never cheat on your barber. Ever.
Now, that the foundation is set, let us meet our juggernaut…
KQ
If you’re a fan of Marvel Comics or their movies you’ve probably come across The Juggernaut before, a powerful unstoppable mutant who charges at everything like a wrecking ball with his rock-solid head and tough body. KQ was about to attain juggernaut status that day.
“Who is KQ?” you ask. I will tell you.
KQ was a really smart Aggrey boy. He was also on table C19, and he had a head.
Now I know what you’re saying, “Everybody has a head, are you crazy?”
Listen to me, I know what I’m talking about: KQ had a head.
Remember I said KQ was smart? Some of us believe it was because his brain was… ermm… well-ventilated? Like, his head was so uniquely shaped, you couldn’t forge it.
I’m sure a lot of you are wondering, “Kodzo, why are you being so mean?” You obviously haven’t met KQ. That guy was merciless in his mockery. Merciless, I tell you. Fortunately for him, he could laugh at himself as well, so he was quite a good sport whenever he was the butt of a joke.
That night, KQ entered the dining hall late. What a mistake.
Onero spotted him first. “Yooooo, KQ drop.”
Everybody looked up and began to let out stifled laughter. KQ had obviously cheated on his barber: his haircut was very low, almost to his skin.
Fades were considered non-school, and as we later found out, the new barber had given him a fade, and then to correct the mistake, he had to thin out the rest of his hair, which resulted in an accentuation of his unique head shape.
KQ tried to blow off the laughter with a fake I’ve-got-it-all-figured-out vibe.
“Ah, you guys, e be my haircut? Small attention
“Oh you dey lie”, Jona laughed, “your barber mafia you.”
The banter went back and forth for a while, then things settled.
All the while, one person was quiet: Capone. Capone (or Capeezy) was this usually quiet guy that KQ constantly picked on for little things like grammatical errors. He seemed deep in thought.
KQ should have left him alone that evening.
“Capeezy, why, your woman leave you?” he prodded.
The reply seemed almost rehearsed, “Nah, I was just wondering what your skull looks like.”
You should have seen the shock on the young man’s face. I mean, we all have a general idea of how to draw a skull, right? That day we realized a very deep truth, that drawing a skull and drawing KQ’s skull are two totally different things. I think even KQ will admit this.
I laughed so hard I got dizzy. Talk about a clapback.
The rest of the evening dining was pretty uneventful, just a lot of mid-term gossip, nothing particularly useful. This, however, was not the last we would hear of KQ that evening.
Common Room Meeting
Common room meetings after reopening or returning from mid-term breaks were always a bore. Smizzle would go ooooooon and ooooooon, usually about something to do with money. In his own words, he could “smell money”. He also ended every sentence with “Are you okay? Mmm?” which effectively made his speeches twice as long as they had to be.
This was the cause of KQ’s new problem: sleep.
Rumour has it that the main reason Smizzle had been made Aggrey housemaster was because about two years earlier he had solved a water problem in his former house, Gyamfi House, and Aggrey had a very similar water problem.
As Smizzle outlined his master plan to dig a big
It was Banana who drew my attention to KQ as he began to nod off. He tapped me lightly so Smizzle wouldn’t see.
“Shhhhh.” He put his finger to his lips and pointed at KQ.
According to the laws of physics, when a body’s centre of gravity is displaced outside of
I saw it in slow motion. The head went first. The body followed. Nobody could stop gravity at this point. To the heroes who think I should have caught the
When the Juggernaut meets an obstacle, he does not go around it, he goes through it. If I attempted to stop that head that day, I probably wouldn’t be able to play the guitar today.
Do I feel guilty? Maybe if it was someone else, but I knew the juggernaut would be fine.
As the head collided with the ground, we felt shock-waves. In the words of Kari Jobe in her song titled ‘Forever’, “
The ground began to shake…“. (It helps if you know the song.)
Okay, I’m kidding, but there was certainly an impressive thud.
Was
Smizzle however, in fact, the whole common room besides me and Banana, was startled. Everyone grew quiet and watched as KQ stood up, shook his magnificent head and sat down again, wide awake this time.
I couldn’t contain my laughter when Smizzle asked with genuine concern, not as filler speech, “Are you okay? Mmm?”
Of course, KQ was okay, it was the common room floor that had cause to complain. Remember…
Don’t take life too seriously.